Being fat + Occupying space (Online &IRL)

So you mad huh? Stay mad.

A double post?! Who would have thought I had it in me. I just needed y'all to know I haven't forgotten about this blog series. The crazy thing is, the post about "Being fat + health care" to date has the most views on this blog. Shoutout to you guys for being the real MVP'S!!!

Today's post is even more relatable and brought to you by years of having the nerve to occupy space while simultaneously staying fat.

Let me start by saying, I'm never more aware of the fact that I am fat than when I am on an airplane! I don't know about you guys, but when I board a plane I suddenly become hyper aware of my size. It's the narrow aisles that taunt me, and the frustrated glares from passengers that tell me far more than their mouths will ever admit "I hope she isn't sitting next to me". People are really upset with fat people because it inconveniences them. Let me just put it out there one time, I'm not too pleased to be sitting beside you either ma'am/sir BUT the way my bank account is set up I can't afford to buy 2 seats, so I suck it up and make tiresome small talk - because you are a human being and deserve to be treated as such. Flying can be an embarrassing thing for some people, so please for the love of humanity stop treating us like elephants and hippos, stop asking to switch your seat ( Scratch that, I can't tell you what to do, just please be mindful of the way you make your request.), and please keep the arm rest up - we put it up for a reason. I just wanna empower a couple of people in this moment, so you can scroll through if it is too uncomfortable to read, of if you feel compelled to let me know how wrong I am.

Dear big person,

You don't need to be apologetic when flying. Asking for a seatbelt extender does not make you less of a human being. Being comfortable while flying is not just a smaller person's luxury. Travel as often as you budget allows! Don't read too much into the looks on people's faces as you're making your way to your seat. If you need to use the washroom, please do so! As long as you're using your manners, I promise the fellow passengers won't hate you. If you're still feeling down, just think about all the adventures that await you once you get off that plane. I promise you have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

Love,

Nakita

Dare I go on? I dare :) Let us get down to an even more basic method of transportation. I don't know what transit is like in your city, but I live in a pretty big city :Toronto. I am a TTC commuter. I rely on the buses, the subway, and streetcars to get me to and fro daily. Let me set the scene: 6pm rush hour traffic, buses are full as are the streetcars. People are commuting home from work/classes. No seats left, only standing room. People are packed on the buses like sardines, lo and behold there is one seat available. You guessed it, it is beside me- a fat person. You probably also guessed that the seat remained empty... because obviously sitting beside me is the worst thing to do after a long day. You may have read that, and assumed  I was overreacting or reading too much into a non existent situation. I assure you I was not. That has happened to me far too many for it to be a coincidence.  I'm telling you, I've seen a lady wobble on a moving bus, and almost fall twice instead of just sitting beside me. I've literally made myself uncomfortable trying to squeeze my large self onto a seat so that people would feel comfortable enough to sit beside me. The struggle is ongoing for fat people, we want to occupy space the same way the rest of the world does without psychoanalyzing every interaction of lack thereof.

What does IRL mean? For those of you who were wondering it means "In real life". I just covered those, but believe me when I say it goes beyond transportation. Living everyday in a fat body and taking up space should be seen as revolutionary, because people are out here making it real hard for no reason. Fat people don't need to be ogled, we don't need to be pointed at, we don't need to be the subject of your unauthorized photo shoot either.   

Occupying space online should be easier, and less stressful but oddly enough that isn't always the case. Your experience online really depends on the internet circles you frequent, and your assumed popularity. A site like Facebook is a great space to find positive community. There are many groups on there for almost anything you could think of. I am a part of a GTA clothing swap/sale group - and I've found it to be quite uplifting and encouraging. Everybody online isn't out to troll you, but that doesn't mean you should let your guard down. Social media sites such as: Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram are tad bit trickier to navigate- ESPECIALLY if you have some sort of a following. Not only are your thoughts publicized but so are you pictures. People aren't always nice, and if your profiles are open you're ultimately giving people a free for all. Hashtags are a universal way people find trending information, some people peruse certain hashtags just to be cruel and disrespectful. I'll say this, occupying space online has given me thicker skin. I've been accused of glorifying obesity (by posting pictures of myself in a bikini), I've been fat shamed, I've been accused of not actually having struggles because I shop at forever 21. The list goes on, and it gets more ridiculous. Personally one of the scariest things have been the extent at which some people have gone to reduce me to some BBW (Big beautiful Woman) fetish. I sought community online years ago because there were things that were uncomfortable to address to people IRL.  I sought community online looking for representation, looking for people that could relate to my struggles. And I found it, but it came accompanied with many ugly things. I've had to think of clever but polite retorts for the negative people. I've had to get rid of apps to deal with stalkers and those with stalker like tendencies. I've had to defend my personhood & womanhood many times over. All that to say I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've been far more blessed than cursed and for that I am grateful. I've compiled some tips for my fellow fatties that are apprehensive about occupying space online.

• Not everyone is a troll - I promise!
• You are allowed to say no.
• Block/Delete options are there for your protection
• Reporting people works wonders
• If you're being bullied in a chat/forum - reach out to the admin
• Making your profile private is not a sign of weakness
• Protect your space/energy
• Anonymity isn't cowardly (Unless you're sending hateful messages)
• Be free & have fun

There you have it folks, a glimpse at what it's like to occupy space while being fat. I hope and pray your eyes have been opened to our day-to-day realities. Share this with your big friend, I'd love to hear other peoples' stories. Our experiences shape us, but I pray we won't let them break us. Be blessed y'all.

<3

"Fat girl aesthetic"????

Some of you are looking at the title of this blog post, like 'Girl,bye!',BUT if you are a fat girl you know exactly what I'm talking about. We live in a time where the word aesthetic is thrown around quite loosely (Shoutout to tumblr.com I guess). What does it even mean? According to urbandictionary.com : 

Relating to something that looks good or pleasing to the eye.

or
Something that tumblr weirdo's say way too often and use it for every damn thing under the sun. A generally annoying word.

I agree with the first definition, and just threw the 2nd one in for giggles. This blog post is basically going to attack this idea of one singular fat girl aesthetic. While people that wear straight sizes (0-10), are granted the liberty of dressing however they please and still fitting a particular aesthetic. Plus sized people, are not granted that same luxury. You can be a size 6, and rocker/gothic or a size 4 and bohemian chic- and it's all sunshine and rainbows. Your size when you're straight sized doesn't affect your style. I AGREE! So why isn't this the case for all people? There is an unspoken expectation that fat people, women specifically MUST look a certain way. There most certainly is a "fat girl aesthetic", and if I'm being honest most of us cannot afford it. 

Let me rewind a little bit for those of you who are completely oblivious to the struggle we (plus sized people) call shopping. Most mall retailers did not carry a plus size section 10 years ago. Let that sink in. The average size woman in America wears a size 12-14, that is considered plus sized. 10 years ago, the average woman would have struggled to find retailers in her local mall that carried her size. To say the fashion industry has treated fat people like an unwanted stepchild, would be a gross understatement. How are the most visible parts of your society, ignored by an entire industry? In the words of someone's jamaican aunty "Dat nuh mek it". In comes the internet in all it's glory, blogging became an outlet for many plus size women, it then turned to vlogging. Instagram became super relevant, and now we have snapchat. My point is plus sized women are influential, and the internet became the gift that never stops giving. Online retailers started popping up left,right, and centre. When the average shopper isn't finding clothes for their body, and their favourite youtuber/blogger is talking about this new site that has a plus size section...you do the math. What we ended up having was a domino effect. The big bad fashion industry just need a little competition, they need to see that all these fat people they've ignored would actually pay for cute/fashionable clothes if they were given the chance. Initially online retailers were able to charge an arm and a leg, because they knew it was slim pickings. Once the industry noticed the plus sized people, they started loosing up their grip on the extra inches of fabric. More stores starting carrying their straight sizes up to an XL aka a 12, some even started including XXL aka 14. The miraculous happened, brick and mortar stores that carried EXCLUSIVELY plus sizes started to be a thing.

Fast forward to this present day. Social media is the driving force of ALL things trendy, if you disagree... I don't know which rock you're living under. As I previously mentioned, retailers are doing better. It's 2017, and I can give you a list of stores that carry a beautiful range of sizes. BUT, and of course there is a BUT. Fat people are still expected to have this put together aesthetic. For that I in part blame the industry, and in part blame the faces that we've made poppin'. Here is why in my humble opinion the blame is 2-fold. Firstly, they only advertised version of fat people we see is one that is together & super trendy. You won't see a fat person, that is edgy and gothic advertised because they want to pigeon hole us. They pigeon hole us, because foolishly they believe we'll only buy the version of ourselves that they've branded as acceptable. Secondly, these figures/faces that are well known in the "body positivity movement" are always put together. Mainly because they are celebrities in their own right. If i'm on tumblr, or instagram searching through hashtags such as : #effyourbeautystandards, #honormycurves, #bodypositivity, #psootd I would find extremely familiar faces. What I think fat women fail to realize, and when I say fat women I mean us regular degular ones...these women we look up to,admire,idolize are sponsored. These brands that we are supporting, and throwing our hard earned coin at are literally contacting these women, and sending them merchandise and PAYING(i ain't mad child, believe me!) them to show it to the world. Some of these women have contracts with these companies, they are in partnerships! There you have it my friends, the driving force behind this singular "fat girl aesthetic". It's the media we love and crave, and the people we aspire to be- they reinforce it in our heads subconsciously everyday. We scroll, and we see them done up, looking absolutely glamorous...and we sigh and digress.

I write this to empower y'all, but to empower myself first. BUN this narrative that says I must look 100% done up every time I leave my house. I'm not less than when I'm having an off day. I'm not ugly when my uniform consists of jeans and a t shirt three days in a row. Today, I looked grungy, and I felt spectacular. There was nothing special about my outfit, but I appreciated the fact that I went to work in clothes that I felt good in. I ignored the apprehension within, and rocked the heck out of my distressed boyfriend jeans, and t shirt. If you are big, or have felt "too big" to pull off the look/trend... I say go for it. Your body isn't offensive, you're not too wide to wear a horizontal stripe. You're not too fat to try a crop top. Wear what you please, create looks and leave people inspired by your authenticity. It's 2017, new year, same ole me.

That picture is from my tumblr, and I thought it was fitting with this blog post. Share it if you want, but don't forget to send em here to the blog. Also pictured me feeling myself, even if I don't fit the fat girl aesthetic.