FabulouslyKita

Am I too afraid to commit?

As I lay here at almost 5am, I seriously wonder if the above question is true. I plugged in my old cellphone a couple of hours ago to look through some of the notes. I stumbled upon some pieces I had written years ago, and decided to share an allegory with my boyfriend. I actually freaked out when I sent it to him. Why? Why am I like this? Why is sharing my "work" so difficult for me? On one hand it's quite obvious , I'm private. Sharing my thoughts, and my feelings is a scary thing for me. I don't let people in, so when I'm sharing my thoughts it feels like everybody has front row access to me - and I don't like it. Dare I say, on the other hand it's deeper than that. I'm afraid. Point, blank, period. I'm the joker, I'm the care free joyful Christian, I'm the one that is always smiling. My writing is the opposite. For a good chunk of my adulthood, I've painted this picture of myself with one brush. I've used short strokes to make a complete picture. I'm afraid that if I let people read my pieces, they'll be confused, disappointed, and maybe even a little uneasy. I am not ONLY who I've presented myself to be. There's much more beneath the surface. And that brings me to my initial question- am I too afraid to commit...to blogging? Yes, one hundred times over. I'm afraid to be too vulnerable, I'm afraid to get too attached to blogging as an outlet, I'm afraid to be me. But Ima do it * Kita voice*! And I'm doing it for me. Join me, if you so please. Challenge yourself today. Do what you told yourself you didn't bag the guts to do, in 6 months I'm sure we'll be proud of ourselves.