Sit tight, and let's just see where this takes us!
Initially I thought this post would be a part of my blog series "being fat +", but the way today played out I just knew it would be its own separate post. As the image and title may have warned you, this post isn't going to be very structured but I do hope to convey my thoughts clearly.
Where does one even start? How about stating the obvious? I am in a long distance relationship. I have been in one for just about 489 days... but who is counting;) Today has been one of the harder days in my relationship, because it was the first time I had to leave him at the airport and deal with the fact that he was flying back home. My boyfriend and I are fortunate enough to only live about 1600 flying km away from each other, and although we live in different time zones, there's only an hour time difference. This blog post can take so many turns, and I'm sure I'll blog about this again, but I just wanna freely express myself while my current Snapchat rant is still relevant :P
You guys aren't really dating.
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this, I would be a rich lady. I don't know why people take it upon themselves to undermine the status of someone's relationship, but this has really got to stop. Two consenting "grown" people, that are telling you they are in a relationship are probably not pulling your leg. If you have ever been the friend that has made this statement impulsively, you most definitely have some apologizing to do my dear. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: proximity isn't a relationships primary definer. I'm a firm believer in that, because I see it everyday. People love to tell you that you can't actually be with someone that you don't see often, when people that see each other all the time break up just as frequently. I've seen all sorts of relationships disintegrate before my eyes for a plethora of reasons. People tend to validate and give more thought to school yard relationships than to ones with the "LDR" label/stigma attached to them. This leads me to the other side of the rant... what is dating really? Some of you are so quick to dismiss something simply because it wouldn't work for you. Some people need to be with their significant others a lot, to validate their relationship AND THAT IS OKAY. But it's unfair to dismiss another situation just because it doesn't mirror your own. To make it personal, I had people genuinely not believe I had a boyfriend because I said I hadn't met him yet. People looked me in my adult face and said "it doesn't
count because we had never met in person- like excuse me? Contrary to what they believed, my boyfriend was and currently is very real. Just because he exists in a different time zone, does not illegitimize his humanity.
But like CATFISH?!
So shoutout to Nev right! He definitely made things a heck of a lot easier for people to assure themselves that they aren't being catfished right? See the issue is, once you mention you're talking to/with someone you've never met online... almost everybody will mention catfish. Not everyone online is pretending to be somebody they're not. Shockingly enough their are plenty of regular degular people just like me, just tryna etch out a corner on this thing called the internet. Not every fat girl is google image searching models to send to her internet friends. And hello, it's 2016! Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse. Video calling is such a clutch tool we've been given by the tech geniuses. Video calling for me, has been such a blessing in my relationship. I obviously don't get to see my boyfriend in person often, but when I'm having super rough days I like knowing I can still see his face. People will argue that meeting someone online is super unconventional- and to that I say please show me a more conventional way to meet somebody in this day and age! Social media is more than just a medium teenagers and young adults use, it's truly a worldwide phenomena that is as user friendly as google. There is a space/platform for everyone! Whether you are looking for love directly (eharmony, match.com, POF), or you find it while minding your business - if you
ask me the internet is your best bet. Long gone are the days of writing down your phone number on a piece of scrap paper, and rushing home to wait for the phone call. A man can approach me at noon, and assume I'm feeling him because he found me on twitter and misconstrued a song lyric tweet for my non existent feelings towards him.
Are you sure it's love?
You've never met them, be realistic? Does this one sound vaguely familiar? Were the people around you even bold enough to say it? BRUHHHH, let me just clear the air. Just because someone doesn't live close, and you don't get to see them often DOES NOT MEAN = NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER! While, yes every situation/relationship is different - I think it's pretty safe to say, most people aren't just flippantly saying they love these people unless they really think they do. What you can do as a friend, is plain and simply accept that. Accept the fact that your friend loves someone you've never met, and situation depending might never meet . Be a support system vs a pain in the butt. No one likes repeating themselves. You don't need to over question your homie every time. If you're really struggling with the idea, ask them what they love about the person, ask them
when they knew it was love. But whatever you do, don't try and convince them that they couldn't possibly love the person. I loved my boyfriend long before we ever met last April. Nobody could tell me differently.
When do I get to meet them?!
Uhhhhhh, how about 5 past never? It's always the people that had the most negative things to say that are trying to be the first to meet your significant other. Y'all really gotta miss me with this! Why the fake interest? Why do you wanna meet our mysterious long distance lovers? You've made it quite clear with your line of questioning that you don't support us....so why have you deluded yourself to believing you'll get to meet em? These are the real questions that need answers Sway! What some of y'all fail to realize is that when the window of opportunity presents itself, and you get to see them again... maybe for the first time in 8 months...the naysayers are the furthest thing from our minds. We wanna cherish the moments, and make lasting memories. You're feelings getting hurt because you didn't meet the man you've doubted from the jump, most definitely does not phase me. Dear friend, you are not entitled to his time. Most people in LDR's can attest to this.
What's the point?
Says the one that has been dating the same person on and off for 7 years? That's was extremely shady, but you catch my drift. Everyone is different. I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship because I was bored. The point is to grow together, and build together, and hopefully make something shake. Marriage is the point. There's just about 8 billion people on God's green earth, and to this day my mind is blown away at the fact that a man from Alabama would see value in pursuing me. Maybe for some they would brand my relationship as a serious one if a man from my church had pursued me, but I really don't care. What are the odds, that my boyfriend and I would find each other? Iunno, and I know you don't know. But the point is I love him. When I think about a family, it's him I see as the head. So the next time your line of questioning heads down a disrespectful path, I will politely leave you there. Because If I'm being completely honest, what's the point of answering you?
There are a billion more things I could say, but my allergies are acting up and this is borderline painful to write. Catch my heart in the midst of all these ramblings! A long distance relationship is just like any other. Stop treating the people in them like it's a fairy tale land. It's not. The reality is it's hard, but I'm committed. I only got to see my boyfriend in the flesh 3 times this year. I've had to cry at the airports like it's my new found hobby. When I want to be held, I have to reminisce about when we shared a space. So, no it's not ideal. And no, it's not for everybody. But it is for me. So does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I believe in many ways it does. But communication is truly the root every great love needs.
No comments:
Post a Comment