Thanksgiving in Mobile, Christmas in Toronto

What's good 2017? I'm here with my 2nd official post, and it feels good. Today well, it's currently 3:09 am, so that counts as day right? Anywho, I bring you a post reflecting on two major milestones in my long distance relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend since the end of August 2015 (Woot! We made it past a year y'all!), maybe one day I'll give you guys the full 411 on how we met, and all that jazz. What you need to know right about now, is that he lives in Alabama, and I live in Canada. This past year it was difficult to say the least,to actually be in the same place at the same time. Mobile is an 18 hour drive away, and around a 5 hour flight with a layover. I'm not a clingy person by any means, but wanting to spend time with my boyfriend more than a handful of times in a year is understandable.
I don't know how things work in your households, or with your families but with mine holiday times were always family time. I've seen many older cousins, and younger ones to boot bring their significant others around during the holidays. I've silently wondered when it would be my turn. I've had dreams about the day my family would meet my serious boyfriend, and the day he would be a part of family traditions. I won't lie, all of those dreams seemed pointless and in vain. I started doubting if I would ever get a turn, lo and behold I did. So as a poem I once heard said, "Doubt your doubts". I grew up in a relatively large family. My mom has 12 siblings, no need to double take you read it right the 1st time. She is the 2nd youngest of 13. Surprisingly all of them had at least one child, which naturally means I have a lot of cousins. As I was saying before, holiday time has always been family time. The major ones include: Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas. My fondest childhood memories include all of us at church, and then enjoying a family meal at grandma's house. When I say I've been waiting for one special breed of man, to come and join the craziness, I am not lying. My older cousins are a tough group to crack, the younger ones are hilarious. Most of the older cousins have their own children now, so that just adds to the love and craziness. All this to say, I was anxiously awaiting the time in my relationship when I would get to have these experiences I apparently coveted. Let's rewind a bit to the end of September. My boyfriend was supposed to schedule time off work, and come and visit me here in Canada. It didn't happen. So the visit got pushed to October, and if you are a Canadian reader you know what that means...Thanksgiving together, and that would be our first official holiday together. Don't squeal and gasp just yet, it didn't happen. The plan then became that I would go down south for American thanksgiving at the end of November. Thankfully, that did indeed happen. There you have it, I celebrated my first american thanksgiving in Mobile,Al. The added bonus was that my best friend accompanied me on that trip. I loved spending the time with my boyfriend and his family. I loved seeing the way his family did thanksgiving, and eating all the delicious food.

After thanksgiving comes Christmas right? I had already prepared myself for the worst, so all the drama regarding him getting here didn't even come as a total surprise.I will spare all you uninterested people the details. What matters is, he came y'all! I got to spend Christmas with my baby, and it was magical. He FINALLY got to meet my parents, my cousins, my aunts, some friends, my goddaughter. He got to participate in some of our lame traditions (opening 1 gift on Christmas Eve, that gift being pj's that you wear that night), he got to eat Christmas dinner with my family. My heart was so full for the 5 days I got to spend with him. 

 Maybe this will be an annual thing, God willing it might even turn into our own personal tradition. Making new memories, and creating new traditions with my boyfriend makes my smile a little wider. This thanksgiving I was a little more thankful, and this Christmas I was a lot more thankful. Contrary  to popular belief, it's not just because I got to spend them with him. It's because by the grace of God I was able to be a part of his family, and he officially became a new member of mine.

 I apologize if this blog post was mostly pictures, but like I'm not actually sorry I'm just super Canadian and I can't help but apologize. For some of you maybe this gave you an honest look at some of the struggles of a LDR. I truly hope that is the case. I don't live to validate my relationship to the naysayers, but if there is someone out there that is contemplating entering into one... I hope I could give you hope. Not in the hyper egotistical way, and not because I want you to see pictures of us and proclaim "#goals". Simply because there are plenty of ways to be in a relationship, and distance doesn't have to be a deal-breaker if you think it's worth it. Maybe I could be your internet "big/lil sis" that offers you a new perspective, maybe not. Well friends that is all she wrote, I got work in a couple of hours...and ya girl has to work a double. Pray for me, and while you're at it pray for my boyfriend too.

LDR rants + ramblings (and etc)

Sit tight, and let's just see where this takes us!

Initially I thought this post would be a part of my blog series "being fat +", but the way today played out I just knew it would be its own separate post. As the image and title may have warned you, this post isn't going to be very structured but I do hope to convey my thoughts clearly. 

Where does one even start? How about stating the obvious? I am in a long distance relationship. I have been in one for just about 489 days... but who is counting;) Today has been one of the harder days in my relationship, because it was the first time I had to leave him at the airport and deal with the fact that he was flying back home. My boyfriend and I are fortunate enough to only live about 1600 flying km away from each other, and although we live in different time zones, there's only an hour time difference. This blog post can take so many turns, and I'm sure I'll blog about this again, but I just wanna freely express myself while my current Snapchat rant is still relevant :P

You guys aren't really dating. 

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this, I would be a rich lady. I don't know why people take it upon themselves to undermine the status of someone's relationship, but this has really got to stop. Two consenting "grown" people, that are telling you they are in a relationship are probably not pulling your leg. If you have ever been the friend that has made this statement impulsively, you most definitely have some apologizing to do my dear. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: proximity  isn't a relationships primary definer. I'm a firm believer in that, because I see it everyday. People love to tell you that you can't actually be with someone that you don't see often, when people that see each other all the time break up just as frequently. I've seen all sorts of relationships disintegrate before my eyes for a plethora of reasons. People tend to validate and give more thought to school yard relationships than to ones with the "LDR" label/stigma attached to them. This leads me to the other side of the rant... what is dating really? Some of you are so quick to dismiss something simply because it wouldn't work for you. Some people need to be with their significant others a lot, to validate their relationship AND THAT IS OKAY. But it's unfair to dismiss another situation just because it doesn't mirror your own. To make it personal, I had people genuinely not believe I had a boyfriend because I said I hadn't met him yet. People looked me in my adult face and said "it doesn't

count because we had never met in person- like excuse me? Contrary to what they believed, my boyfriend was and currently is very real. Just because he exists in a different time zone, does not illegitimize his humanity.

 But like CATFISH?!

So shoutout to Nev right! He definitely made things a heck of a lot easier for people to assure themselves that they aren't being catfished right? See the issue is, once you mention you're talking to/with someone you've never met online... almost everybody will mention catfish. Not everyone online is pretending to be somebody they're not. Shockingly enough their are plenty of regular degular people just like me, just tryna etch out a corner on this thing called the internet. Not every fat girl is google image searching models to send to her internet friends. And hello, it's 2016! Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse. Video calling is such a clutch tool we've been given by the tech geniuses. Video calling for me, has been such a blessing in my relationship. I obviously don't get to see my boyfriend in person often, but when I'm having super rough days I like knowing I can still see his face. People will argue that meeting someone online is super unconventional- and to that I say please show me a more conventional way to meet somebody in this day and age! Social media is more than just a medium teenagers and young adults use, it's truly a worldwide phenomena that is as user friendly as google. There is a space/platform for everyone! Whether you are looking for love directly (eharmony, match.com, POF), or you find it while minding your business - if you

ask me the internet is your best bet. Long gone are the days of writing down your phone number on a piece of scrap paper, and rushing home to wait for the phone call. A man can approach me at noon, and assume I'm feeling him because he found me on twitter and misconstrued a song lyric tweet  for my non existent feelings towards him. 

Are you sure it's love? 

You've never met them, be realistic? Does this one sound vaguely familiar? Were the people around you even bold enough to say it? BRUHHHH, let me just clear the air. Just because someone doesn't live close, and you don't get to see them often DOES NOT MEAN = NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER! While, yes every situation/relationship is different - I think it's pretty safe to say, most people aren't just flippantly saying they love these people unless they really think they do. What you can do as a friend, is plain and simply accept that. Accept the fact that your friend loves someone you've never met, and situation depending might never meet . Be a support system vs a pain in the butt. No one likes repeating themselves. You don't need to over question your homie every time. If you're really struggling with the idea, ask them what they love about the person, ask them

when they knew it was love. But whatever you do, don't try and convince them that they couldn't possibly love the person. I loved my boyfriend long before we ever met last April. Nobody could tell me differently. 

When do I get to meet them?!

Uhhhhhh, how about 5 past never? It's always the people that had the most negative things to say that are trying to be the first to meet your significant other. Y'all really gotta miss me with this! Why the fake interest? Why do you wanna meet our mysterious long distance lovers? You've made it quite clear with your line of questioning that you don't support us....so why have you deluded yourself to believing you'll get to meet em? These are the real questions that need answers Sway! What some of y'all fail to realize is that when the window of opportunity presents itself, and you get to see them again... maybe for the first time in 8 months...the naysayers are the furthest thing from our minds. We wanna cherish the moments, and make lasting memories. You're feelings getting hurt because you didn't meet the man you've doubted from the jump, most definitely does not phase me. Dear friend, you are not entitled to his time. Most people in LDR's can attest to this. 

What's the point?

Says the one that has been dating the same person on and off for 7 years? That's was extremely shady,  but you catch my drift. Everyone is different. I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship because I was bored. The point is to grow together, and build together, and hopefully make something shake. Marriage is the point. There's just about 8 billion people on God's green earth, and to this day my mind is blown away at the fact that a man from Alabama would see value in pursuing me. Maybe for some they would brand my relationship as a serious one if a man from my church had pursued me, but I really don't care. What are the odds, that my boyfriend and I would find each other? Iunno, and I know you don't know. But the point is I love him. When I think about a family, it's him I see as the head. So the next time your line of questioning heads down a disrespectful path, I will politely leave you there. Because If I'm being completely honest, what's the point of answering you?

There are a billion more things I could say, but my allergies are acting up and this is borderline painful to write. Catch my heart in the midst of all these ramblings! A long distance relationship is just like any other. Stop treating the people in them like it's a fairy tale land. It's not. The reality is it's hard, but I'm committed. I only got to see my boyfriend in the flesh 3 times this year. I've had to cry at  the airports like it's my new found hobby. When I want to be held, I have to reminisce about when we shared a space. So, no it's not ideal. And no, it's not for everybody. But it is for me. So does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I believe in many ways it does. But communication is truly the root every great love needs. 

Wedding fever is a little too real...

I've had the privilege of attending 6 weddings this year (only 5 are pictured.), and it's safe to say my wedding fever is at an all time high. I still have one more wedding to attend before 2017 hits, which is wild. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely overjoyed for all the lovely couples - but there is a longing deep inside for it to be my day. What almost all the couples have told me is that it is hard to be married, so it's not even that I have a lofty view of marriage. I believe a big part of this longing stems from the fact that I am indeed in a long distance relationship. As many challenges as the distance presents I believe we both try our best to make it simple. We talk about the future constantly because we are building in these stages. I pray I would elevate the covenant in my marriage over my actual wedding day. As I long to be married, I remind myself to enjoy the stage I'm at - and remind myself that we won't make it there if we rush the process.