Music Mondays??

Hey!

Y'all I ain't even got time to explain my absence! I've been living through the tunes that I have on repeat in my Spring 17' playlist, and I decided to share the life with you :) You can definitely thank me later. What do you guys have on repeat? What's hot? What's not? Lemme know. Be blessed!

So of course wheelchair Jimmy made the cut! I'm a Torontonian, and beyond that a genuine fan. I won't sit here and lie and say I bump every track, but there are a couple I would say you gotta give a serious listen to.

1. No Long Talk ft Giggs (explicit) - This song just gets me hype from the first line.
2. Blem (explicit) - The beat, the fact that he has people saying blem in 2017?! Come on!
3. 4422 ft Sampha - I play this when I need to be mellow, and all the way in my feelings.
4. Portland ft Quavo & Travis Scott (explicit) - That beat though!
5. Teenage Fever (explicit) - That JLo sample man!!!
6. Ice Melts ft Young Thug (explicit) - Lemme tell you I don't even listen to young thug, but this might be my fave track on the album.

Listen mannnnnnnn. Y'all sleep on my boy Jidenna! Not only is he a black ginger (which was my dream man once upon a time), but he is SUPER dope. He raps/sings, and dare I say he does it better than Aubrey...I dare!

1. Long Live The Chief  (explicit) - My fave Jidenna song EVER. Super dope, lyrically and the beat BANGS.
2. Bambi - Feel good music that you can blast and not feel guilty about it
3. White N***** (explicit) - Bruhhhh you guys need to take in the lyrics man. It's too real.

I've been obsessed with D.R.A.M since I heard him on Chance's project. Darling, if you love me you'll take me to see this gem live.

1. 100% (explicit) - DOGGGGGG, I try to put everyone and their granny on this song. It's my fave, and I fall asleep to it :)
2. Cute (explicit) - I only like this song because my boyfriend put a screenshot from the video under one of my pictures on tumblr :P
3. Get It Myself (explicit) - A banger, trust me.
4. Password (explicit) - More good music, I promise.

Sometimes you  just gotta revisit the oldie, and jam out. I've been listening to this whole album for a month straight and I'm not over it yet. Don't sleep on how good day26 was.

I really want this to post before midnight, so instead of including visuals for the rest, I'm just going to list them in no particular order :) I hope you guys discover some new music, and share it with the world, and your stubborn significant others that don't take you too seriously when you make music suggestions. All I'm saying is your AUX cord is safe with me, because I bump a lil bit of everything.

1. Rock and Come In - Linky First
2. Tun Fo Meh -Olatunji
3. Who Am I to You - Tarrus Riley
4. Technically - Farmer Nappy & Destra
5. Know the Face - Marvay
6. I'm Better (explicit) - Missy Elliot
7. Hey Devil! - CeCe Winans
8. The Breaks over... - NamedTobias
9. Calypso - Gbmnutron
10. Lip Service - Machel Montano
11. Elder road - S.O.
12. Living Single (explicit) - Big Sean & Chance the Rapper
13. HUMBLE. (explicit) - Kendrick Lamar

To be SBW.....

What's "SBW" you may be wondering? Saved, Black, and Woke. This is a question I've been meaning to ask the masses, because I believe it would be helpful to many, both young and old in the faith. Most of you, know what I mean when I say black. My skin is a dark brown hue, my parents are dark brown. I identify as a black woman. What do I mean by saved & woke? Let me break it down a little bit. To be saved: to be a born again Christian. A believer of the bible, beyond that an understanding that we are all in need a of saviour and his name is Yeshua (Jesus Christ!). So when I reference the faith, or  being saved that is what I'm referring to. To be woke: Being Woke means being aware.. Knowing whats going on in the community. 

   Now add all three together and what do you get? You get someone that is SBW aka me! How do we cope with the things happening around us? 

At the forefront of my identity is the fact that I am saved. It changes my worldview, and how I choose to navigate my time here on earth. As a Christian woman, I believe the bible teaches us that God is a God of justice. To really understand that, you have to believe that sin is as bad as the bible makes it seem. The saved part of my identity reminds me to pray. And I'm not talking about casual, lighthearted prayers. I mean prayers that will move the heart of God, prayers birthed in anguish. I don't foolishly dismiss and ignore the things I see happening around me. I try to engage in conversations, and see how I could remind people (specifically young black people) that our hope has a name, and that precious name is Jesus. 

To be black & woke seem relatively synonymous these days. If you're active on popular forms of social media, you better believe you will get "dragged" if you "sleeping". If you lack basic awareness about what is going on in the world you're living in, the internet folks don't take to well to that. A lot of POC (people of colour) are simply tired of having to teach nonPOC  about oppression, and how to recognize their privilege, and how microaggressions are indeed offensive. To be black and ignore the conversations that are prevalent today, you might find yourself on the wrong side of history again. Nobody wants to be the grandma who is in a textbook protesting at a black lives matter event proudly holding up her "all lives matter" poster. 

Catch my heart in this y'all.  I'm not here to talk politics, or to stir up divisive rhetoric amongst my Christian brothers and sisters. I'm here to ask the questions, that many are afraid to ask. I'm here because even though I am Canadian what happens south of the border effects me. I'm here writing this blog post because I work with young black teenagers that think Christians disagree with the simple statement that black lives matter. I'm here because I feel awkward discussing race relations with people that refuse to acknowledge white privilege. I'm here because I'm saved, black, and woke. I'm here because sometimes I have to scroll past another news story about another black life that was taken...because sometimes it feels like I've cried all the tears and my heart couldn't  survive another crack. I'm here for many reasons, my question is why are you here? Are you also SBW? Have you asked yourselves these questions? Only to end up with them unanswered? Discussions like these on online communities don't have to end poorly. 

If you're willing to talk, so am I. Be blessed y'all. 

Thanksgiving in Mobile, Christmas in Toronto

What's good 2017? I'm here with my 2nd official post, and it feels good. Today well, it's currently 3:09 am, so that counts as day right? Anywho, I bring you a post reflecting on two major milestones in my long distance relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend since the end of August 2015 (Woot! We made it past a year y'all!), maybe one day I'll give you guys the full 411 on how we met, and all that jazz. What you need to know right about now, is that he lives in Alabama, and I live in Canada. This past year it was difficult to say the least,to actually be in the same place at the same time. Mobile is an 18 hour drive away, and around a 5 hour flight with a layover. I'm not a clingy person by any means, but wanting to spend time with my boyfriend more than a handful of times in a year is understandable.
I don't know how things work in your households, or with your families but with mine holiday times were always family time. I've seen many older cousins, and younger ones to boot bring their significant others around during the holidays. I've silently wondered when it would be my turn. I've had dreams about the day my family would meet my serious boyfriend, and the day he would be a part of family traditions. I won't lie, all of those dreams seemed pointless and in vain. I started doubting if I would ever get a turn, lo and behold I did. So as a poem I once heard said, "Doubt your doubts". I grew up in a relatively large family. My mom has 12 siblings, no need to double take you read it right the 1st time. She is the 2nd youngest of 13. Surprisingly all of them had at least one child, which naturally means I have a lot of cousins. As I was saying before, holiday time has always been family time. The major ones include: Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas. My fondest childhood memories include all of us at church, and then enjoying a family meal at grandma's house. When I say I've been waiting for one special breed of man, to come and join the craziness, I am not lying. My older cousins are a tough group to crack, the younger ones are hilarious. Most of the older cousins have their own children now, so that just adds to the love and craziness. All this to say, I was anxiously awaiting the time in my relationship when I would get to have these experiences I apparently coveted. Let's rewind a bit to the end of September. My boyfriend was supposed to schedule time off work, and come and visit me here in Canada. It didn't happen. So the visit got pushed to October, and if you are a Canadian reader you know what that means...Thanksgiving together, and that would be our first official holiday together. Don't squeal and gasp just yet, it didn't happen. The plan then became that I would go down south for American thanksgiving at the end of November. Thankfully, that did indeed happen. There you have it, I celebrated my first american thanksgiving in Mobile,Al. The added bonus was that my best friend accompanied me on that trip. I loved spending the time with my boyfriend and his family. I loved seeing the way his family did thanksgiving, and eating all the delicious food.

After thanksgiving comes Christmas right? I had already prepared myself for the worst, so all the drama regarding him getting here didn't even come as a total surprise.I will spare all you uninterested people the details. What matters is, he came y'all! I got to spend Christmas with my baby, and it was magical. He FINALLY got to meet my parents, my cousins, my aunts, some friends, my goddaughter. He got to participate in some of our lame traditions (opening 1 gift on Christmas Eve, that gift being pj's that you wear that night), he got to eat Christmas dinner with my family. My heart was so full for the 5 days I got to spend with him. 

 Maybe this will be an annual thing, God willing it might even turn into our own personal tradition. Making new memories, and creating new traditions with my boyfriend makes my smile a little wider. This thanksgiving I was a little more thankful, and this Christmas I was a lot more thankful. Contrary  to popular belief, it's not just because I got to spend them with him. It's because by the grace of God I was able to be a part of his family, and he officially became a new member of mine.

 I apologize if this blog post was mostly pictures, but like I'm not actually sorry I'm just super Canadian and I can't help but apologize. For some of you maybe this gave you an honest look at some of the struggles of a LDR. I truly hope that is the case. I don't live to validate my relationship to the naysayers, but if there is someone out there that is contemplating entering into one... I hope I could give you hope. Not in the hyper egotistical way, and not because I want you to see pictures of us and proclaim "#goals". Simply because there are plenty of ways to be in a relationship, and distance doesn't have to be a deal-breaker if you think it's worth it. Maybe I could be your internet "big/lil sis" that offers you a new perspective, maybe not. Well friends that is all she wrote, I got work in a couple of hours...and ya girl has to work a double. Pray for me, and while you're at it pray for my boyfriend too.

Being fat + "health care"

Okay, but how do I even begin to address this one for real, for real?


So as the title of this blog post states, I'm going to try and write about my personal experience when it comes to being fat, and the access I have to health care. I was born and raised in Canada. One of the first things people mention as a perk of being Canadian is "free" health care. The older I get the more I realize nothing in this world is free! I stopped being under my mothers work insurance once I finished high school. My point is- yes I had access to health care, and to some degree I still do. BUT, and this is a huge BUT I don't feel comfortable seeking medical attention. I can sit here, and recall incident after incident where it would have been in my best interest to seek some sort of medical attention and I decided against it.
I have been fat for as long as I could remember. I was a very active child , contrary to popular belief. I was on school teams, I did extra curricular activities that were physical, I had swimming lessons, ballet lessons. My mom made sure I was involved, and that even if I was chubby, I would still be active. So that may debunk the myth that all fat children are lazy, it might not... but I'm just putting my truth out there. To move on from this picture of an active childhood I tried to paint, I'll address my teenage years. I was evidently far less active once I had more control on the things I got to take part in. That meant, no school teams, far less physical activity on the weekends, and so forth. I wasn't lazy per se, but I wasn't super active either. I'm going to highlight one of the first incidents in my life that made me extremely apprehensive of healthcare professionals aka doctors & specialists. When I was 16, I started experiencing excruciating back pain.  Initially I didn't think much of it because I was used to painful menstral cycles and thought to myself "this too shall pass". Oh contraire mon Freire! The pain didn't pass, it was constant, and became unbearable. Eventually I asked my mom to make a doctors appointment for me, because my body was informing me that something was up. My doctor didn't have anything concrete to tell me, he thought it might be gaulstones, but stated I was far too young for that to be a possibility. He ordered me to to get some ultrasounds, that ultimately confirmed his initial suspicions. My doctor recommended me to a pediatrician, because I was so young he was under the impression that she would give me the best medical counsel (he was wrong.). My doctor had discussed what my ultrasound revealed with my mother and I, prior to me meeting this pediatrician.  During our first consultation, before even examining my file the pediatrician assumed I was there for some weight management program, and started speaking to me about a nutritionist. Even at the young age of 16, I was not shocked that she assumed my weight was what brought me to her office that day. I kindly told her, I didn't need a nutritionist, and that I was there for her medical expertise pertaining my gaulstones. At that point, she glanced at my file and said " You only have 1, and surgery isn't necessary.", I was really confused because my doctor had told me I had more than 1, and that's probably why I was experiencing the pain I was. She (the pediatrician) discussed my weight for 10 more minutes, and suggested I eat less fried food, and my pain should go away. I left her office, discouraged, hurt, angry, and still in pain. A week later, I went back to my doctor and asked for a surgeon's recommendation to remove the Gaulstones. I told him not to send me back to incompetent doctors. Fast forward to my surgery, they actually ended up removing my entire Gaul Bladder because it was badly infected.
As a fat person I shouldn't have to beg for equal medical assessments and that is how I feel. Regardless of what I go into those offices with, my weight is always the topic of dicussion. Someone they deem as physically fit/healthy can go into a doctors office, and explain what is wrong without them being told "it might be the way you're eating."  I don't know if the health care professionals know how degrading and embarrassing it is. Just treat fat people like they are patients. That's all we want. I want to be able to sit there, and get a routine check up without being fat shamed. I'm 25, and I honestly haven't had a routine check up in 5 years. Doctors give me anxiety, they make me cringe, they make me cry. It's a sad reality that I live in a country like Canada, a developed nation, where I have access to relatively free healthcare.... and I don't take advantage of that. Any time I've gone to the doctors in the past 5 years, it's because I've been forced. I fainted, and fell down a short flight of stairs... and the ambulance had to be called in order for me to go the hospital. The whole time I was there I was thinking "This doctor is going to say I fell because of my weight.", I ended up spraining both my ankles so I'm glad my mother and best friend forced me to go... but STILL.
ALL IM SAYING IS THIS, if you are a doctor, or a nurse, or some kind of healthcare professional: PLEASE TREAT FAT PATIENTS WITH SOME DECENCY. YES WE GET IT, WE ARE FAT- BUT WE ALSO MIGHT JUST HAVE A COMMON COLD & THAT IS OKAY.