LDR rants + ramblings (and etc)

Sit tight, and let's just see where this takes us!

Initially I thought this post would be a part of my blog series "being fat +", but the way today played out I just knew it would be its own separate post. As the image and title may have warned you, this post isn't going to be very structured but I do hope to convey my thoughts clearly. 

Where does one even start? How about stating the obvious? I am in a long distance relationship. I have been in one for just about 489 days... but who is counting;) Today has been one of the harder days in my relationship, because it was the first time I had to leave him at the airport and deal with the fact that he was flying back home. My boyfriend and I are fortunate enough to only live about 1600 flying km away from each other, and although we live in different time zones, there's only an hour time difference. This blog post can take so many turns, and I'm sure I'll blog about this again, but I just wanna freely express myself while my current Snapchat rant is still relevant :P

You guys aren't really dating. 

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this, I would be a rich lady. I don't know why people take it upon themselves to undermine the status of someone's relationship, but this has really got to stop. Two consenting "grown" people, that are telling you they are in a relationship are probably not pulling your leg. If you have ever been the friend that has made this statement impulsively, you most definitely have some apologizing to do my dear. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: proximity  isn't a relationships primary definer. I'm a firm believer in that, because I see it everyday. People love to tell you that you can't actually be with someone that you don't see often, when people that see each other all the time break up just as frequently. I've seen all sorts of relationships disintegrate before my eyes for a plethora of reasons. People tend to validate and give more thought to school yard relationships than to ones with the "LDR" label/stigma attached to them. This leads me to the other side of the rant... what is dating really? Some of you are so quick to dismiss something simply because it wouldn't work for you. Some people need to be with their significant others a lot, to validate their relationship AND THAT IS OKAY. But it's unfair to dismiss another situation just because it doesn't mirror your own. To make it personal, I had people genuinely not believe I had a boyfriend because I said I hadn't met him yet. People looked me in my adult face and said "it doesn't

count because we had never met in person- like excuse me? Contrary to what they believed, my boyfriend was and currently is very real. Just because he exists in a different time zone, does not illegitimize his humanity.

 But like CATFISH?!

So shoutout to Nev right! He definitely made things a heck of a lot easier for people to assure themselves that they aren't being catfished right? See the issue is, once you mention you're talking to/with someone you've never met online... almost everybody will mention catfish. Not everyone online is pretending to be somebody they're not. Shockingly enough their are plenty of regular degular people just like me, just tryna etch out a corner on this thing called the internet. Not every fat girl is google image searching models to send to her internet friends. And hello, it's 2016! Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse. Video calling is such a clutch tool we've been given by the tech geniuses. Video calling for me, has been such a blessing in my relationship. I obviously don't get to see my boyfriend in person often, but when I'm having super rough days I like knowing I can still see his face. People will argue that meeting someone online is super unconventional- and to that I say please show me a more conventional way to meet somebody in this day and age! Social media is more than just a medium teenagers and young adults use, it's truly a worldwide phenomena that is as user friendly as google. There is a space/platform for everyone! Whether you are looking for love directly (eharmony, match.com, POF), or you find it while minding your business - if you

ask me the internet is your best bet. Long gone are the days of writing down your phone number on a piece of scrap paper, and rushing home to wait for the phone call. A man can approach me at noon, and assume I'm feeling him because he found me on twitter and misconstrued a song lyric tweet  for my non existent feelings towards him. 

Are you sure it's love? 

You've never met them, be realistic? Does this one sound vaguely familiar? Were the people around you even bold enough to say it? BRUHHHH, let me just clear the air. Just because someone doesn't live close, and you don't get to see them often DOES NOT MEAN = NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER! While, yes every situation/relationship is different - I think it's pretty safe to say, most people aren't just flippantly saying they love these people unless they really think they do. What you can do as a friend, is plain and simply accept that. Accept the fact that your friend loves someone you've never met, and situation depending might never meet . Be a support system vs a pain in the butt. No one likes repeating themselves. You don't need to over question your homie every time. If you're really struggling with the idea, ask them what they love about the person, ask them

when they knew it was love. But whatever you do, don't try and convince them that they couldn't possibly love the person. I loved my boyfriend long before we ever met last April. Nobody could tell me differently. 

When do I get to meet them?!

Uhhhhhh, how about 5 past never? It's always the people that had the most negative things to say that are trying to be the first to meet your significant other. Y'all really gotta miss me with this! Why the fake interest? Why do you wanna meet our mysterious long distance lovers? You've made it quite clear with your line of questioning that you don't support us....so why have you deluded yourself to believing you'll get to meet em? These are the real questions that need answers Sway! What some of y'all fail to realize is that when the window of opportunity presents itself, and you get to see them again... maybe for the first time in 8 months...the naysayers are the furthest thing from our minds. We wanna cherish the moments, and make lasting memories. You're feelings getting hurt because you didn't meet the man you've doubted from the jump, most definitely does not phase me. Dear friend, you are not entitled to his time. Most people in LDR's can attest to this. 

What's the point?

Says the one that has been dating the same person on and off for 7 years? That's was extremely shady,  but you catch my drift. Everyone is different. I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship because I was bored. The point is to grow together, and build together, and hopefully make something shake. Marriage is the point. There's just about 8 billion people on God's green earth, and to this day my mind is blown away at the fact that a man from Alabama would see value in pursuing me. Maybe for some they would brand my relationship as a serious one if a man from my church had pursued me, but I really don't care. What are the odds, that my boyfriend and I would find each other? Iunno, and I know you don't know. But the point is I love him. When I think about a family, it's him I see as the head. So the next time your line of questioning heads down a disrespectful path, I will politely leave you there. Because If I'm being completely honest, what's the point of answering you?

There are a billion more things I could say, but my allergies are acting up and this is borderline painful to write. Catch my heart in the midst of all these ramblings! A long distance relationship is just like any other. Stop treating the people in them like it's a fairy tale land. It's not. The reality is it's hard, but I'm committed. I only got to see my boyfriend in the flesh 3 times this year. I've had to cry at  the airports like it's my new found hobby. When I want to be held, I have to reminisce about when we shared a space. So, no it's not ideal. And no, it's not for everybody. But it is for me. So does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I believe in many ways it does. But communication is truly the root every great love needs. 

#BlackGirlMagic

Y'all, I've been itching to make a post, and as the good Lord would have it, today is the day Ima just write my little heart away. Let me start by saying, I'm not into witchcraft, and evil juju. I am a Christian. When I reference black girl magic, I'm speaking more about this indescribable "thing" that unifies most black girls/women. Call it energy, or call it a vibe - whatever it is, it's a beautiful thing. 

If you frequent social media platforms such as Twitter & Tumblr, you've probably seen the hashtag #BlackGirlMagic somewhere. If not, quit hiding under a rock and get with the program! Much like fashion, there are things that will always recycle in life, but there's also things that will be considered timeless. I'm going to go out on a limb, and boldly declare that black girl magic is timeless. Today showed me that in a way I will forever be grateful for. Today was a hectic day for me. I was running around with my mother doing some last minute Christmas shopping, and our holiday grocery shopping. We don't own a car, so our travels were done on public transportation. If any of you know me personally, you know I am my mother's daughter. I say that because we not only look alike, but we are very similar. As we got on our second bus for the day to head to Fairview mall, a middle aged black woman sat beside my mom. It took all of 3 minutes before they started up a conversation. In a span of 5 minutes they found several commanalities. I excused myself to the back of the bus, once I seen a seat free up. I sat down with an unobstructed view, and just gazed at my mother and her new found friend. Chopping it up, like they were old friends that were catching up. I was bewildered, I was witnessing black girl magic, and it was special. 

This might sound silly, but without saying it I just assumed the magic faded with age. I thought black girl magic was exclusive to the trendy 20 somethings, that have natural hair and keep up with their tumblr accounts (word to Gambino!). It was beautiful, to watch and overhear their encounter. They bonded over the fact that they will always call their adult children their babies, and also the fact that they don't trust anybody's cooking- ESPECIALLY IN THE WORKPLACE. Today I looked at my momma, and genuinely thought "she's magical!" . I don't know if that paints a childish picture of who I am, but I can seriously say it was so encouraging to me. Growing up and getting old comes with a lot of responsibilities. I'm glad that I will be able to adult while simultaneously still being a magical black woman. I pray the children, and people that I have the privilege to meet get to experience a little bit of the magic in me. 

As mind blowing as it was to see my mother in this new light, I realized our magic transcends age restrictions. My 3 year old God daughter is the tiniest embodiment of black girl magic. She has spunk, and personality. People are literally drawn to her, and she doesn't even know it! 

It's in our hair, our vibe, our eyes. It's just a part of our make up. I pray every black girl reading this continues to shine, and continues to share her magic with the world.

Being fat + "health care"

Okay, but how do I even begin to address this one for real, for real?


So as the title of this blog post states, I'm going to try and write about my personal experience when it comes to being fat, and the access I have to health care. I was born and raised in Canada. One of the first things people mention as a perk of being Canadian is "free" health care. The older I get the more I realize nothing in this world is free! I stopped being under my mothers work insurance once I finished high school. My point is- yes I had access to health care, and to some degree I still do. BUT, and this is a huge BUT I don't feel comfortable seeking medical attention. I can sit here, and recall incident after incident where it would have been in my best interest to seek some sort of medical attention and I decided against it.
I have been fat for as long as I could remember. I was a very active child , contrary to popular belief. I was on school teams, I did extra curricular activities that were physical, I had swimming lessons, ballet lessons. My mom made sure I was involved, and that even if I was chubby, I would still be active. So that may debunk the myth that all fat children are lazy, it might not... but I'm just putting my truth out there. To move on from this picture of an active childhood I tried to paint, I'll address my teenage years. I was evidently far less active once I had more control on the things I got to take part in. That meant, no school teams, far less physical activity on the weekends, and so forth. I wasn't lazy per se, but I wasn't super active either. I'm going to highlight one of the first incidents in my life that made me extremely apprehensive of healthcare professionals aka doctors & specialists. When I was 16, I started experiencing excruciating back pain.  Initially I didn't think much of it because I was used to painful menstral cycles and thought to myself "this too shall pass". Oh contraire mon Freire! The pain didn't pass, it was constant, and became unbearable. Eventually I asked my mom to make a doctors appointment for me, because my body was informing me that something was up. My doctor didn't have anything concrete to tell me, he thought it might be gaulstones, but stated I was far too young for that to be a possibility. He ordered me to to get some ultrasounds, that ultimately confirmed his initial suspicions. My doctor recommended me to a pediatrician, because I was so young he was under the impression that she would give me the best medical counsel (he was wrong.). My doctor had discussed what my ultrasound revealed with my mother and I, prior to me meeting this pediatrician.  During our first consultation, before even examining my file the pediatrician assumed I was there for some weight management program, and started speaking to me about a nutritionist. Even at the young age of 16, I was not shocked that she assumed my weight was what brought me to her office that day. I kindly told her, I didn't need a nutritionist, and that I was there for her medical expertise pertaining my gaulstones. At that point, she glanced at my file and said " You only have 1, and surgery isn't necessary.", I was really confused because my doctor had told me I had more than 1, and that's probably why I was experiencing the pain I was. She (the pediatrician) discussed my weight for 10 more minutes, and suggested I eat less fried food, and my pain should go away. I left her office, discouraged, hurt, angry, and still in pain. A week later, I went back to my doctor and asked for a surgeon's recommendation to remove the Gaulstones. I told him not to send me back to incompetent doctors. Fast forward to my surgery, they actually ended up removing my entire Gaul Bladder because it was badly infected.
As a fat person I shouldn't have to beg for equal medical assessments and that is how I feel. Regardless of what I go into those offices with, my weight is always the topic of dicussion. Someone they deem as physically fit/healthy can go into a doctors office, and explain what is wrong without them being told "it might be the way you're eating."  I don't know if the health care professionals know how degrading and embarrassing it is. Just treat fat people like they are patients. That's all we want. I want to be able to sit there, and get a routine check up without being fat shamed. I'm 25, and I honestly haven't had a routine check up in 5 years. Doctors give me anxiety, they make me cringe, they make me cry. It's a sad reality that I live in a country like Canada, a developed nation, where I have access to relatively free healthcare.... and I don't take advantage of that. Any time I've gone to the doctors in the past 5 years, it's because I've been forced. I fainted, and fell down a short flight of stairs... and the ambulance had to be called in order for me to go the hospital. The whole time I was there I was thinking "This doctor is going to say I fell because of my weight.", I ended up spraining both my ankles so I'm glad my mother and best friend forced me to go... but STILL.
ALL IM SAYING IS THIS, if you are a doctor, or a nurse, or some kind of healthcare professional: PLEASE TREAT FAT PATIENTS WITH SOME DECENCY. YES WE GET IT, WE ARE FAT- BUT WE ALSO MIGHT JUST HAVE A COMMON COLD & THAT IS OKAY.

Being fat +

Is a blog series too soon?

I've been thinking, and I've concluded the best way to stay committed and consistent is to launch a series. So here you have it, I'll be launching a series on my blog at some point this week. My thought process went a little like this : What are you Nakita? To that question I answered with several bullet points. I am Black, I am a Christian, I am fat, I am fashionable (depends on who you're asking :P), and so forth. I was talking to my friend about how I haven't had a routine check up in over 4 years, and it made me realize I have so many feelings, and I see some things in skewed ways because of my fatness. In light of all that, I decided to blog about some topics from the perspective of me, a fat person. Honestly since creating this blog, I didn't want to limit it to being a "plus sized safe space", but I do think it's a great place to start. So some of the topics I've brainstormed myself will be rolling out in weeks to follow. I will most likely start with "Being fat + accessible health care" , but like most things that is subject to change. I invite you on this journey with me :) I have absolutely no following haha, but I will be sharing this with some people in my inner circle,and on my tumblr. I hope you guys decide to journey with me.

Wedding fever is a little too real...

I've had the privilege of attending 6 weddings this year (only 5 are pictured.), and it's safe to say my wedding fever is at an all time high. I still have one more wedding to attend before 2017 hits, which is wild. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely overjoyed for all the lovely couples - but there is a longing deep inside for it to be my day. What almost all the couples have told me is that it is hard to be married, so it's not even that I have a lofty view of marriage. I believe a big part of this longing stems from the fact that I am indeed in a long distance relationship. As many challenges as the distance presents I believe we both try our best to make it simple. We talk about the future constantly because we are building in these stages. I pray I would elevate the covenant in my marriage over my actual wedding day. As I long to be married, I remind myself to enjoy the stage I'm at - and remind myself that we won't make it there if we rush the process. 

Am I too afraid to commit?

As I lay here at almost 5am, I seriously wonder if the above question is true. I plugged in my old cellphone a couple of hours ago to look through some of the notes. I stumbled upon some pieces I had written years ago, and decided to share an allegory with my boyfriend. I actually freaked out when I sent it to him. Why? Why am I like this? Why is sharing my "work" so difficult for me? On one hand it's quite obvious , I'm private. Sharing my thoughts, and my feelings is a scary thing for me. I don't let people in, so when I'm sharing my thoughts it feels like everybody has front row access to me - and I don't like it. Dare I say, on the other hand it's deeper than that. I'm afraid. Point, blank, period. I'm the joker, I'm the care free joyful Christian, I'm the one that is always smiling. My writing is the opposite. For a good chunk of my adulthood, I've painted this picture of myself with one brush. I've used short strokes to make a complete picture. I'm afraid that if I let people read my pieces, they'll be confused, disappointed, and maybe even a little uneasy. I am not ONLY who I've presented myself to be. There's much more beneath the surface. And that brings me to my initial question- am I too afraid to commit...to blogging? Yes, one hundred times over. I'm afraid to be too vulnerable, I'm afraid to get too attached to blogging as an outlet, I'm afraid to be me. But Ima do it * Kita voice*! And I'm doing it for me. Join me, if you so please. Challenge yourself today. Do what you told yourself you didn't bag the guts to do, in 6 months I'm sure we'll be proud of ourselves. 

OH ME OH MY!

Here it is y'all, I've finally created a blog.

 I won't lie, I'm nervous, but extremely excited to be exploring blogging as a creative outlet. My blog obviously isn't visually pleasing |ATM, just give me some time, and Ima work at it.

Let me start by introducing myself: Hey, I'm Nakita :) , I'm 25, black, a Christ follower, fat, and I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I'm genuinely at that stage in my life where things should be starting to fall into place, but I'm not sure if they are.
As I blog, I truly hope to turn into a blogger. My intent with this blog is to give you my plus sized gals a safe place. Content wise you can expect fatshion posts, random rants, styling tips, relationship nuggets, and hopefully more than anything encouragement. My friend started this blog on tumblr a year ago that was supposed to birth a sisterhood for plus sized women, and I was super excited, and on board - the problem is there were too many "moderators" so it quickly lost steam. I hope to be consistent, regardless of the audience (or lack thereof at the moment), I hope to grow, to challenge myself, to learn about myself, and to really see if  I have what it takes to be a blogger. I have started an instagram page strictly for my personal fatshion posts, it will be public soon, just give me some time. You can definitely follow it, if pictures are more appealing to you then my words. I am on pretty much all forms of social media, but for now we'll keep it simple sweethearts.